Uktu
Currently he is in a facility for troubled youth. But Kelly and the rest of the family have not given up and have not stopped loving him. They drive two hours each Sunday to visit with him. They do this because they really do love him and have his best interest in their hearts. Kelly believes that because they have supported him through all the trials they have experienced together, he is finally feeling their unconditional love for him. Although this family has experienced difficult times, Kelly feels as if a blanket of love has been flowing over them throughout the years. From the moment they were contacted about the little boy, Kelly had an unwavering knowledge that this was Heavenly Father’s plan for them. She knew that no matter what happened, even through what have seemed to be overwhelming challenges, this young boy was meant to be a part of their family and that they would receive opportunities for growth and great blessings as a family because of him. She believed President Thomas S. Monson’s admonition that we “reach out to rescue those who need our help and lift them…. It is the Lord’s work, and when we are on the Lord’s errand…we are entitled to the Lord’s help.”6 Through living the gospel, through prayer, scripture study, and remembering and keeping commandments and temple covenants, they have been able to feel the Savior’s love, compassion and mercy for them. They have also been able to recognize the benefits that have come from this experience, the “correct principles” they have learned “in a loving atmosphere” to “prepare them for eternal life,” as the Church Handbook indicates.7 Kelly has expressed that even though she does not know what the future will bring or what challenges lie ahead for their family, she would never trade this experience. Sometimes when we are stretched in such significant ways by our children, we find that we have more capacity to do things than we realized. Elder Bruce C. Hafen related the following story from his family: “One of our children once was in great difficulty in his fourth-grade class. If he didn’t complete a certain hand-made project by the next day, he would face certain disaster. After dinner, my wife, Marie, told me she had thought of a way to help him. I ushered our other children into another room for other activities, and the handicraft project began in the kitchen. Periodically, I heard outbursts from our fourth-grader, who kept tormenting his mother and insisting he wouldn’t do another thing. I was ready to send him to his room and forget it, but my wife calmly proceeded with her plan. “After about three hours, as I was tucking the other children into bed, the little builder and his mother entered the bedroom. Carrying his project as proudly as if it were a birthday cake, he invited his two brothers to come and see it. It was obvious from looking at it that he had made every stitch of it himself. He placed it on a counter and started for his bed. Then he looked back at his mother with a broad, boyish grin. He ran across the room, threw his arms around her waist, and hugged her tightly. As he grinned at her again, the two of them exchanged glances that carried great meaning. He went to his bed, and we left the room. “‘What happened?’ I asked Marie. ‘How did you do it?’ She replied that she had simply made up her mind that no matter what he said or did, she wouldn’t raise her voice or lose her patience. She had just decided that leaving him was not an alternative, even if the project took all night. Then she made this significant observation: ‘I didn’t know I had it in me.’”8 Such trials of patience often benefit us as parents just as much, if not more, than they do our children. Like Sister Hafen, if we simply focus in on our love for our children, we will discover that we are capable of more than we realized before. And because of our children, especially our wayward children, we will have a glimpse of what it is like to have Christ-like love and patience. When we are experiencing such challenges, it may be beneficial to ask ourselves what we need to learn from them. If we ask ourselves this question, we are able to have a better perspective on the difficult situations that we face. This earth life, and the relationships that come with it, present us with our opportunities for growth. Elder Neal A. Maxwell said that, “Your lives, your friendships, your marriages, your families, your neighbors and coworkers currently constitute the sample of humanity which God has given you. We are each other’s clinical material, and we make a mistake when we disregard that sober fact. No wonder, therefore, we feel stress at times.”9 Elder Maxwell goes on to say, “the Lord allows us to practice on each other, even in our imperfections. And each of us knows what it is like to be worked on by a ‘student’ rather than a senior surgeon. Each of us, however unintentionally, has also inflicted some pain.”10 It’s sobering when we realize that we may be the cause of someone else’s misery. I refer once again to the parable of the prodigal son. When the lost son returned home, his father upon seeing him ran towards him because he was overjoyed to see his youngest son. The relationship between this father and his wayward son is the main focus of the parable, but that is not it’s only focus. Note that Christ starts the story by saying “a certain man presumably his wife had two sons” (Luke 15:11). And there are lessons for parents in the relationship between them and the other son, as well. We learn that the oldest son was angry with his father because of the warm reception that his younger brother received. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stated that, “Surely, for this father I’ll add mother, the pain over a wayward child who had run from home and wallowed with swine is now compounded with the realization that this older, wiser brother, the younger boy’s childhood hero as older brothers always are, is angry that his brother has come home.”11 Elder Holland then clarifies: “this son is not so much angry that the other has come home as he is angry that his parents are so happy about it.”12 The oldest son had remained faithful to his parents and had worked hard for them, but it was his youngest brother who was receiving all of the attention from his parents. Sometimes, out of necessity, we focus so much of our attention on the child that is the cause of our sleepless nights, that we unintentionally overlook the needs of our other children. We need to be aware of the needs of all of our children and the impact of these experiences on them, as well. In the parable, the father treated his sons exactly as the Savior would have. He tells his oldest son, “Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found” (Luke 15:31-32). Brother Millet states that the father was indicating his “deep tenderness, affection, and appreciation for the nobility of the older son’s deeds. ... it is not only nice and sweet and kind they should make merry at the return of the youngest son; the father is here saying that it is a divine necessity, the right thing to do on this occasion. It was what he must do. It is what God would have done.”13 I believe that the mother would have felt the same way and would have wholeheartedly supported the actions of her husband in his righteousness. I believe that she would have been portrayed as a woman of great faith and wisdom. Through her trials she would have come to depend on the Savior for comfort and support and would have found strength as she relied on Him. And she would have taught this important principle to her children. She would have known that this earth life is the opportunity for growth and, as Elder Maxwell pointed out, that we are indeed “each other’s clinical material.” She would have had the wisdom to realize that some days would be more challenging than others with her children, and that at those times she would have to pray more fervently for the help and patience that she needed. She would have learned to pay attention to the tender mercies that she received each day—things that brought her happiness. And she would have taught her children to do the same. She would have taken very seriously her charge to “rear her children in love and righteousness … to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God.”14 With tenderness and compassion, she would have expressed her appreciation to her children for the good things that they had done. Perhaps the prodigal’s mother would continue to be overanxious about the welfare of her children even after his return. Would her youngest son leave them again? Would her oldest son be able to reconcile with his parents and his brother? As Brother Millet observed, “Unlike a fairy tale, the parable of the prodigal son does not end on the note of ‘and they lived happily ever after.’ “How does it end?” Brother Millet continued. “Did the older brother close his ears to the loving counsel of his father mother, steel himself against compassion, and live and die an angry and bitter man? Or was he, we hope and pray, deeply touched by the love of his father mother—pure love for him, as well as his returning brother? Did he allow the power of the Almighty to transform his soul, reshape his attitudes and actions, and make him into an instrument of divine love? “In fact,” Brother Millet concludes, “this is an open-ended story, and each of us must interpret its meaning in the light of our own experience.”15 I find comfort in knowing that in our own experiences with our children, we have a loving Savior and Heavenly Father who wants us—and all our children—to succeed and be happy. With that divine help, we must never give up, knowing that the power of God’s love is greater than we are capable of understanding. Orson F. Whitney quoted Joseph Smith when he taught: “Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God.”16 We and our children are each other’s “clinical material.” If we strive in faith to reach out and help our children understand the love, mercy, and compassion that the Savior has for them, we—and they—will be able to have “the peace of God rest upon us” (Alma 7:27) like a blanket of love. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen